All You Wanted To Know About My Pocketbook

There were a couple questions after my Kinky Date post. So I thought I would take the opportunity to clarify for everyone's benefit. I'm thoughtful like that.
Jenny wants to know if I'm "*totally* veeted or only slightly veeted? Because (she'd) like to request (that I) veet into the shape of an animal. Like a bunny or a cricket."
It's all gone Jenny. But not because I'm a kinky girl. Frankly, I can't draw a straight line to save
my life. So any attempt at a landing strip would end up looking like a cockeyed Flock of Seagulls haircut. This precision also applies to eyebrow pencil. So if you think I'm crooking an eyebrow at you quizzically, it's probably just wonky Maybelline.

And Jenny, if you want to treat Victor to a little puppet show yourself, you can find these
pubic hair templates at Amazon. But if you really want to be a hip DIY girl you'll make your own. "Make cut outs from lightweight plastic containers to create original designs for your pubic stencils."

Start saving those margarine tops!
Katy wants to know if "nairing your picachew really works".
Yes Katy it does. But remember to keep it on the outside only. Once
finished it may look like you have a vaginal fu man chu. But that's were your specially designated razor finishes up.
And lastly, Jennifer was concerned that husband and I attempted sexy time post Veeting, "Sexy time shouldn't smell like burned hair."
I replied that sexy time usually smells like a combination of macaroni and cheese, old apple juice and sweat. So a little Veet would be like an exotic perfume.

Thank you. No more questions please.

19 comments:

Jennifer said...

vaginal fu man chu Just stop!! I had tears at this one! And the picture topped it off.

And I wasn't concerned about the post-Veet sexytime, I was concerned about the concurrent sexytime/veet experience.

Lotta said...

Jennifer - Lately the experience has been me trying to get it over with as quickly as possible. I think it may be time for a little med adjustment. The libido has gone buh bye.

Jenny, the Bloggess said...

Sexy time that smells like burning hair is either really bad or reeeeeeally good.

PS. I have those cookie cutter things that you use for play-doh. Can I use those as a template? I think I have one shaped like frankenstien.

That would be kick-ass.

Lotta said...

Jenny - You are not allowed to be funnier than me on my own blog damnit.

You know what this means don't you? You and I are going to have a dance off to 'Top This. Top That' when we get to BlogHer.

http://mom-o-matic.blogspot.com/2006/09/look-how-funky-he-is.html

jakelliesmom said...

I don't know how I feel about Amazon now. I mean, great that they're selling these items, but might they leave that market to other purveyors and not taint my children's books?

kathi d said...

No more questions???? OK, let me see if I can put this into the form of a statement. Um. I wonder if there is ever a monkey cage smell at those special times.

Cerabee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mary Fran said...

You totally crack me up!!!!

ElegantSnobbery said...

I've never laughed harder. Thanks for that!!

marymurtz said...

At first, from your title, I thought you were going to tell us how much money you make in a year.

Now I know what Jenny was talking about when she mentioned "Franken-gina" on her blog.

The Introvert said...

Thank God I'm not the only one who just takes it all off for lack of coordination. I gave up on the landing strip years ago...and there's no way I'm paying for a stranger to rip the hair off my lady business. If I'm paying that much money at a spa, I had better be feeling good, not cursing the day I was born.

Jennifer said...

A friend of mine paid $1400 last year to get hers lasered off. She said it's the best money she ever spent. I wish I could convince Fidel that lasering would be a good way to blow $1400.

Sassy Mama Bear said...

No fair not putting a spit shield warning on this post, seriously what are you trying to do, kill us with laughter?
Hilarious.

Lotta said...

Jennifer - I think if you changed thats sentence to "I could blow Fidel..." you might have better luck with your wish.

Melody said...

This was SO funny. I think I should wait until I leave work to check out the templates, though...

I totally love Veet - tried it for the first time two weeks ago.

I don't recommend using it immediately before your hubby comes back into town from a week long business trip, though...

OUCH!

Kyla said...

This was SO hilarious!

Crunchy Carpets said...

I did the same thing with Nair once....all of it...gone.

yah.

Heather said...

Being a redhead (YES the curtains match the carpet. GAWD.), I shaved the betty into a heart-shape.

Do not recommend.

Now I use my redheadedness as an excuse for NOT shaving/waxing/pulling it all off/out.

"Shave it all? Why? I'm a REDHEAD. Red pubes are SEXEEEEEEEEEEE."

I've had too much coffeeeeeeee...

Katy said...

My hard drive has been down (to be honest my hard drive has been down a long time and I'm just hoping the Veet will help things, but I digress...) and I am just getting back to this post. Thanks so much for clarifying! I'm headed to Walgreens. :-)