When son was a baby I would pay cold hard Ebay sell'n cash to have this super swat team of Polish superwomen sneak in and clean my house twice a month. You pay for an hour of cleaning and an army of 4 will do whatever they can in that time. So if the house is good and tidy they'll even get to clean the insides of your windows. It was freaking heaven to walk into the house with a newborn and have it smell like Windex instead of baby sick.
But eventually son got old enough to rat me out. And hiring a cleaner did not go over well with my thrifty husband. "Pay me, I'll clean the house!". And he is a great cleaner, but can only do so much. He'll wash a floor and then get bombarded by the kids and stop. But when the cleaning elves come every room in the house is clean at the same time. It is truly better than sex.
So when I was paid for my wholesale jewelry order I stashed that money into my underwear drawer. So far I've eeked out a 1/2 hour massage and had the cleaning people come one time. I made sure that the kids and I were out of the house so they couldn't nark on me. But when husband and I talked later that night it was tricky to be honest, yet stealthy. I ended up sounding like a foreign language lesson tape.
Husband: Wow, you cleaned all the floors!?
Me: Yes. The floors are very clean.
Husband: Man, and the bathroom is clean too!
Me: The bathroom is clean. It is clean.
Husband: Yea the house smells clean! Smells like lemons.
Me: Smell the lemons.
The other night I went to the movies with a friend. While we were waiting for the movie to start I said that if daughter becomes a stay at home mom I'm going to give her a small stash of cash and tell her to hide it away for herself. Call it a pedicure fund. This older woman sitting directly in front of us could not contain her laughter when she overheard. She leaned back and gave us a sneaky little wink and smile.
I think husbands forget that they married a chick when you're down to one income. They don't understand why you need highlights even though it's the same hair they lovingly admired when it came out of your paycheck. It was two income hair. Which is really unfair. Because if husband had been gay and married Steve, I goddamn guarantee you Steve would not be down with having his entire wardrobe come from Target. And then he would storm off and get a really expensive spray tan. Go Steve!