2 Hours Alone With The Kids Break The Man

Husband: Where weeeere you!

Me: Grocery shopping. I told you that.

Husband: For TWO hours you were grocery shopping. TWO hours. I didn't know where you were. I didn't know where you had gone.

Me: I went grocery shopping.

Husband: (Mumbling) Whatever. You just run out the door and go buy who knows what.

Me: Groceries.

Husband: Why is the car parked in front? Why didn't you park in the garage man?

Me: I had to bring in the....(Pause)

Husband: What!?

Me: GROCERIES!

(Ok, that's not true. I actually said "Groceries motherfucker". But I already said "for fuck's sake" in an earlier post and I didn't want to fucking offend anyone.)

19 comments:

Katrina said...

You made me snort! That sounds sooooo familiar it's not even funny! men....

jen duncan said...

LOL! Hey, he wanted sex last night and he missed you tonight. You better not be complainin'!
;-)
You are a posting MACHINE today, oh yes you are!

Kelly said...

Ha! We had one of these the other night too. Thanks for the great laugh!

Kelly
http://macaroniandglue.com

SoMo said...

Now, this is why I come to MOM.

And you know what offends me is when people do this "F*CK", like I am too stupid to not know what it says. Just be a woman and write the damn word, already.

Thanks Lotta.

SoMo said...

Now, this is why I come to MOM.

And you know what offends me is when people do this "F*CK", like I am too stupid to not know what it says. Just be a woman and write the damn word, already.

Thanks Lotta.

Lotta said...

Jen - He just wants me home so HE can leave to his errands.

Lotta said...

PS - Wow, I just realized I posted all that yesterday. They lowered my dosage a bit and I think it makes me a little nuts so I need an outlet.

Undomestic Diva said...

Husbands... blech.

I love how they can manipulate these conversations later on, pretending it was because they were "concerned" when really they're just being selfish.

I spent Wednesday at the hospital for my sister's surgery and when I came home my husband was like "Oh... you got to go out to lunch?" And I said, YEAH ASSHOLE. TO THE HOSPITAL CAFETERIA. Wooo-fuckin-hoooo.

Idiot.

Jamie said...

NO fucking offense taken. Men can't handle anything without us, not even there own penis as far as I am concerned.

My hubby sounds like your husband's clone....they should meet and talk about AutoCad over brews......while we watch he kids 24/7?

JoeinVegas said...

Well, um, you were gone and . . .

Lotta said...

In his defense I will say the man is awesome. Will fix a toilet, etc, etc. But he has this idea that 3 hours away from the kids should be a sufficient enough break to recharge myself for another week of 24/7 mom duty.

Gretchen said...

I want to say, "Next time, he can get the groceries and you can spend two hours doing something actually fun."

But I think I know what would happen - he wouldn't get the right stuff and you'd have to go out any way.

Twisted said...

Isn't it sad how when your a mom, grocery shopping is like a mini vacation (or at least your husband thinks so).

hautemommy said...

This post is cracking me up!!! :) Typical husband behavior haha!

so tired said...

I love a good "MOTHERFUCKER!" Nothing can replace it....

BoggyWoggy said...

Yeah...we know you splurge on stuff while you're shopping! I bet you buy brand-name bread, rather than the store-brand crap! Man, is your husband ever going to be pissed off!
Oh, and thanks for the F-word. I truly laughed my head off!

decoratorgirl said...

Were you able to unpack the groceries before you gave him a BJ to make up for your wild shopping spree, or did the cottage cheese spoil when you dropped it all right there in the kitchen and went to your knees? Where were your apron and high heels and red lipstick?
Couldn't have loved reading this any more than I did, for fuck's sake!

Lotta said...

Decoratorgirl - Snort!

Angel said...

I am one of those lucky people that don't have to face this problem, on the other hand I love how no nonsense you are. :)