Amazing what a little debt will buy

New steps! They seem so big right now. So much cement! But husband assures me that once the new flower beds are in and the railing is up it will look more proportionate. I'm thrilled to be rid of our cracked steps with the weeds growing out of the bottom. Thrilled! So why is it I can't stop eyeballing that little paint splattered roof? Wouldn't it look so much better with some cedar shingles? And our house lights are so freaking teeny tiny. Were they that small when we bought them? Maybe some copper window boxes would help balance it out? Wait...what's that sound? Oh, it's the sound of husband reading over my shoulder and getting ready to throttle me.

And our house isn't sinking sideways into the earth, though I feel like I am right now. I had one overwhelming parent teacher conference this morning. Son's having a hard time at school. In general really. Nothing frightening, but enough of an issue that the teacher recommended we talk to "someone" about it. In the meantime, I'm trying hard to hold back the flood of "I've totally f'ed up my child" guilt so I can take care of what needs to be taken care of.

14 comments:

Kathi D said...

Every time you do one thing to the house, it wants to lead to other things. Oh sigh!

As for the teacher telling you to talk to "someone" I recommend you and your husband talk to "each other" about the boy. Who knows him better than you two? I am all for psychology (been there, done that) but I also think that sometimes jumping into it prematurely creates problems instead of fixing them.

Like when I went to the ER because of heart palpitations, which led to a brief hospital stay in the cardiac ward, until it was determined that although I have an unusual heart rhythm, it's A-OK. I went into the hospital healthy but two days later I felt like a full-blown heart patient, and it took a few days to shake that.

Anyway, don't panic and don't freak out, you know you haven't f'ed up the boy, you just need to back up, take a breath, and grab hold of the situation. Calmly!

Tuna Girl said...

Oh, I had a horrible mom day! I feel you. And my daughter is failing third grade math on top of it.

You're not alone. And...nice steps.

Laura said...

For what it's worth......I am the proud mother of a very responsible, grounded, 21-year-old male who I adore. He was never a favorite with his teachers and we had many parent-teacher conferences over the years. He was not a "bad" child, but was very spirited and challenging to raise. Take a deep breath, let the worry go, and give him all of the love and consistency you can muster up. You'll smile about all of this fifteen years from now.

Gretchen said...

Like the steps! I know what you mean about them looking big, but you wouldn't want them any smaller?

Try not to worry too much about your son. Be glad she brought it up now, and you can work on it - rather than waiting a few years when it could potentionally be a bigger problem. Again - try not to worry too much.

-

PamKittyMorning said...

Some years are harder than others, and talking to someone isn't the worst thing that can happen. Lots of times things just work themselves out after a while. Believe me, I know. And my kid did fine and is in college as well.

I know though sometimes it just seems hard and heartbreaking.

Lotta said...

Wow - All of your advice make me feel enormously better. It's especially nice to hear from you moms who have already gone the distance.

When son was having febrile seizures they kept trying to get us to put him on anti-convulsant medication. I read the side effects and was like no way! We got through that and it was the right decision.

So whatever comes of this I'm ready to be his advocate again. Not let anyone make into something too big. But your heart still aches for your child when they have to deal with something hard. No fun.

Kathi D said...

See? You are his mother and you really DO know best. Don't let this shake your confidence.

My mom had 5 kids, of which I am the youngest, and each one of us is/was so different. We all went to the same elementary school with the same set of teachers, same principal the whole time, and the teachers, even if they wanted to, couldn't pigeonhole us based on what sibling came before.

My brother Glenn was the most challenging one in elementary school. Mom said that he sat down on the front steps of the school on his very first day and cried his eyes out because he didn't want to go. And he pretty much kept that same opinion all the way through the end of high school. He was a dyed-in-the-wool outdoor person. He became an ace electrician and a generous, sweet man (who died way too young).

I'm just hammering on you to relax and trust yourself, hon. You know what you're doing.

dana wyzard said...

My house was surrounded by huge blue spruce trees which kept the house in total darkness. I had them cut down and light entered the house like the Second Coming.....and guess what? All at once I could see every dust bunny, every smudge on the windows and I noticed that my furniture was ratty and detestable.

One thing leads to another.

(You COULD use some window boxes)

so tired said...

And I was thinking they looked small when I first looked at the picture...

I don't think they look too big at all. Tell your neighbor to pick up the crap in their yard and finish the paint job....

And as far as the boy goes.... I appreciate the fact that the teachers today are more enlightened and refer you to talk to "someone." Today we have so many more options and accommodations in the class room for our kids. When we were growing up kids were just labeled as "bad" but they were just totally misunderstood. I love that today there is "someone" that may be able to give you a few tips to make school more enjoyable for the kid and the teacher. The goal for everyone is that the child be successful in the classroom. And the key to that is having "someone" that can figure out what it takes to make that happen. Consider yourself lucky that the teacher didn't just label him.

You did not "f" up your child either. We all come a little "f'ed" up. Today we just have so many more options to deal with it!

Sorry for the long comment.....

Ms Picket To You said...

can only add: happy mother's day! which is code for "you got through another year and thus, you rule." you can manage what comes.

Katrina said...

Happy Mother's Day! Such a cute house! Ya know, this gives me so many ideas that your husband should start hating my guts right. now. But I am pretty good at doing cool stuff without a zillion dollars...

As for your widdle boy (they will ALWAYS be our widdle boys as my eldest attended PROM this weekend) all we can do is our best for them. We stand up for them and take the bullcrap so they don't have to and I know you will do that like the momma lion you are.

Do you ever use any IM? Email me, as we must chat!

katy (aka funny girl) said...

I love your house!!

My daughter has oh-so-many-issues and we have talked to plenty of "someones"...email me if you want to chat about it. Been there, done that, or maybe I should say, am there, doing that!!

decoratorgirl said...

Have been silently reading your blog lately.. I am going through re-hab with my teen and look here for joy and humor and always find it. You are a remarkable person and a caring mom. My youngest was taught by same teacher as my oldest (6 years apart). Because she knew the oldest had issues she urged us to see someone about the youngest. She herself suffered from ADD, my daughter had been diagnosed that year with it also.. After seeing proffessionals, we were encouraged to keep plugging along and doing just what we had always done. The next school year, my youngest was on honor roll, had only missed two days of school and was always told what a polite young man he was. You know your son better than anyone else. There are no mistakes.. as moms if you are loving them the best you can. Even in rehab with the oldest, we're working through the best we can.. our children are just each so different, so unique. Thinking of you.

Lotta said...

Katy - I might do that!

Decorator - Your comment made me cry it was just so nice. Thanks so much.