Dear Clothing Designer People,
Please cool it with the short, puffy sleeved oxfords. I feel like I'm getting ready for 7th grade choir practice.
Then on Twitter I posted this;
Dear Summer Dresses,
Where the fuck are all your sleeves?
Yesterday, I got a sitter and spent 4 hours walking around a mall looking for clothes to wear to BlogHer08. Superficial to care so much I know. But I figure I'll end up with a wardrobe post conference that might make me look like I give a damn so there are other benefits. Two hours into the trip I had already composed several other letters that I wanted to share with you.
Dear Caftan Dresses,
Mrs. Roper called and she wants you back home.
Dear Plus Sized Empire Waist Shirts,
It's so cute that you want to pretend that my rounded belly is a lil baby. But it's really the by-product of too many Dr. Peppers and Tostada chips. Making it look like I'm in my second trimester with your ruched tummy smocking does not soften the reality. Though if I ever do get pregnant again, I'm pretty stoked I'll have more than just the back rack at Motherhood Maternity to shop from.
Dear Person At TJ Max That Keeps Slipping Awesome Black Cotton Dresses In Size 4 Onto The Plus Sized Racks,
Dear Capri Pants,
I'm pretty much your bitch at this point. And you are my master. But if you keep tapering the bottom of your legs I might be forced to look around.
And lastly, a nice note.
My profound derriere is off to Marshalls to try and find something to wear to the cocktail parties. If I fail you can find me back at the hotel room come cocktail hour. I'll have my own personal case of Schlitz that I might be persuaded to share. No formal attire required.
Thank you for managing to describe my figure with dead on accuracy and yet still leave me feeling oddly admired."You are very curvy with the overall silhouette of the Classic Hourglass. However, you are heavier at the bottom then your Hourglass sister with very profound derriere and fuller thighs similar to the Triangle figure type. Your waist is defined, but much less indented with the possible “love handles” at the sides. You have a pronounced front midriff bulge, similar to the Oval figure, although in your case, the fullness is more evenly distributed throughout your body. Your shoulders are very proportionate to the overall silhouette, with the full and shapely bust. Your upper arms tend to be a bit fleshy."