Not a banner day

Son and daughter have entered a new and maddening phase. Or at least I pray to God it's a phase. The fighting phase. But it's not so much fighting as it is each of them incoherently screaming at each other. It comes out of nowhere and makes my head feel like a whirligig. I can't focus or think rationally. So all that good parenting, the time outs and such, don't even occur to me.

I've been trying to grit my teeth and keep it together, I really have. But today I lost it. We were driving to Kindergarten and both kids were eating happy meals. (Don't judge me man) Lunches that contained the EXACT same items. Someone decided that the other had too much, or not enough, or who the hell knows because I stopped listening when the screams started.

I couldn't even talk over them to arbitrate. So something possessed me to nail my horn. Which was asinine because all it did was scare the daylights out of the lady in front of me. So I put the radio on AM talk and cranked it up as high as it could go. Speaker blowing high. Like number 11 on the amplifier loud. And waited it out.

But every time they would quiet down, and I would then turn the radio down so I could speak, the screaming commenced. So I reached back, grabbed their happy meal toys and chucked them out the window. Stunned silence.

When I called husband and work to tell him what a crap mom move I made, he reminded me that this wasn't my first chucking incident. Back when husband and I were dating we had what he refers to as the notorious cookie fight.

I was making him chocolate chip cookies at his dad's house. I don't remember what we were fighting about, but frankly you should never fight with someone that's baking for you. Or handling your food in any way for that matter. At one point I walked outside with the bowl of cookie dough and started whipping it handful by handful into the yard I got so mad. Husband was all, "Nooooooo. Not the cooookies!".

He really should have warned the children what I was capable of if pushed too far.


Christina said...

I am SO there with you. My kids and their constant yelling and noise drives me to the brink--than shoves me over. Don't feel bad. I have had MANY "crap mom" moves, but I usually call them something worse. (Along those same lines, though.)

If it's any consolation, though, you made me smile! Misery loves company, you know? :)

Erin said...

Maybe it is the phase of the moon because my kids are doing the exact same thing!

Glad I am not the only one going crazy!

Kelley said...

WHAT! What did the poor cookies do to you...

As for the kids, I probably would have stopped the car and walked away. Smarter move on your part.

Amy Kate said...

Oh, Lotta, they were asking for it and deserved. Rotten kids.
Last week I threw out every popsicle in the house because my 4 year old kept asking for one after I said NO about 150 times. I finally said to her, "What did I say? Huh? If you are going to cry and whine over popsicles, then clearly we CANNOT have them in the house. I will THROW THEM AWAY if you ask again."
She asked, I did a full sweep, with her having a total meltdown at my feet. Dora fun shapes? Gone. Crayon scribblers? Gone. Freezee Pops? GONE. Even went to the basement freezer and cleared them out and tossed them, dramatically, into the big garbage bin outside.
You would think I amputated a limb. Then she said she'd tell Daddy on me. I said there's no need, I'D TELL HIM MYSELF.
We all have days like that. What're you going to do? You don't want them growing up without any crazy mom memories! Their friends would hate them!

PS I have a friend whose mom threw a pot roast at the wall because my friend and her siblings were being evil. Chucking stuff out of spite/anger is a proud motherhood tradition, methinks!

Lulu said...

Amy Kate -
So true - my kids still remind me about the great potato standoff, when I made one of my daughters sit at the dinner table for an hour to eat one small potato to offset all of the candy that she'd eaten before dinner! She was coughing and gagging....yeah, they're both still traumatized.

Yet - they're successful, beautiful young women today. Hmmmm....coincidence? I don't think so.

The love and pride you have in your kids comes through all the time - some days are just better than others. Or worse.

Lotta said...

It wasn't my finest hour. I am certain that I just gave my daughter a play by play for her next tantrum. I expect to see loud music and throwing things, just like mommy! Crap.

Katrina said...

I'd have tossed the toys too...and maybe their butts as well! ;o) Don't beat yourself up. They had it coming.

Katrina said...

nah...they'll learn mommy throws their things away if they are naughty and not to mess with mommy. ;o)

Amy Kate said...

Ummm....And I just had a SuperFudge moment and almost poured a cup of milk over my 4 year old's head because she just came rushing out of her room (which she shares with her sleeping 1 year old sister) screaming like a banshee that if I make her stay in her room, she can't just have milk all throughout the night.
For once, the counting to 10 method worked.
I'm now having a beer.

Liz said...

It must be that time of month, my kids are fighting about anything and everything. Next time I will toss out happy meals toys too. Seems like a good stradegy for peace and quiet.

Katie J said...

I once threw a stuffed animal in the garbage in front of my daughter and then felt like a total douche. I'm so glad I'm not alone in the crap mom antics. However, it seems like it is a bit of a tradition. You made me laugh and see that I'm not alone in this and therefore not so bad, right?

Amy Kate said...

Lulu- Did you feel like Mommie Dearest when she had to sit and eat the potato? Love it! My mom did that to my sister, too, with a big glass of milk. I think she kept her awake until midnight making her drink it.

Katie J- one of my friends ripped the leg off of their 3 year old's Mickey Mouse in front of her. They felt bad, but I think we were all cheering for them inside, because who hasn't felt that way?

Wendy said...

Too funny! What a great move - what else can you do in the car? It kinda limits your options. And they weren't treasured-got-to-have-it-to-go-to-sleep toys, so don't sweat it.

I wonder if the new school year is just triggering a little tension for the kids.

Lulu said...

Amy Kate - I STILL feel like Mommy Dearest....however - there is revenge? Not sure I should call it that, but my grandson is 4 and I watch my daughter do the same things that I did when trying to deal with some of his tants so I feel somewhat vindicated..

Maybe our kids are feeling the country's tension?

Or there's a full moon. Everywhere.

Oh, The Joys said...

I totally do the radio thing too.

Amy Kate said...

Lulu- Sometimes when I call my mom freaking out, I hear her chuckling a little bit under her breath before offering advice or consolation or offering to stop by. There's DEFINITELY revenge!

zandor said...

Wow. That is kind of amazing. I have never done that. (That I can remember.) Actually I think I did that with my boyfriends video game controller when he was playing some video game. It probably would have been bad if I broke it, but I didn't.

jen duncan said...

Hey Lotta- Hang in there! I always said one of the best things about being divorced was I had a free place to send them for the summer. One summer, I think it was the second one that he and his new wife had our girls, he called me before they even landed at the airport to inform me he was NEVER taking them TOGETHER again! humph! Must be nice to have those choices! (she screamed through her tears).
They'll grow up. I promise!!

Lotta said...

OTJ - Hey there! I def. don't regret the radio. Just the littering.

Jen- Yes, it's sad that I have occasionally envied the divorced when I think about getting a weekend off.

Holly said...

Okay, man, snorting coca cola through the nose is a real painful thing! Thanks for making me laugh :) And anticipate things like this - with a 2 1/2 year old & 7 monther, I haven't gotten to this stage quite yet!