This weekend I called husband motherfucker when we were at Kiddieland. It's not like me to say that out loud. Or if I do, it's part of our flirtatious banter. Like when I see him in his black socks and boxers and get to say, "That's right baby. You are one hot motherfucker". Then we dissolve into laughter and he makes fun of me for wearing the waistband of my underpants up under my armpits. But I got so mad that day I actually said, "Take your daughter. On the water ride. Motherfucker."
Husband is the kindest nicest, guy I know. And God knows he's got his hands full with me. But he is truly the most randomly obstinate person this world has produced. When we were dating I asked him to please roll down his window one hot day. He said, "No". And then refused to elaborate. It was a 100 degrees and we had no air conditioning in the car. I tried to calmy explain why a cross breeze was absolutely necessary, to request that he just crack it open a tiny bit. But still he would not budge nor explain. Two hours later I finally pry it out of him that he doesn't like the way it feels to have the wind blow on his face.
At Kiddieland I asked husband to please take daughter on the water ride. Grandma and Grandpa were taking son, and I was holding everyone's things so they wouldn't get wet. "No", he says. And then wanders away so he won't be around to hear me say, "Why? Why? Why? Can you be more specific?". I asked yet again and got no explanation, simply "No". So I measured daughter, she was tall enough. Was that his concern? "No." Asked if he wanted me to hold his cell phone while he went. "No". Did the ride freak him out? "No."
Maybe it was the flashing lights and 2 block long lines to get a 'free' diet coke at the park. But I snapped and hissed at him. Realizing immediately afterwards, that there was a lovely young family ahead of me that got the full motherfucker treatment. Who here thought I was a nice lady? Well, you can put your hands down now.
Many hours later, back at home, I begged him to tell me why he wouldn't go on the ride. Finally he sighs wearily and says, "I just didn't want to get wet". (Pause) Is this some kind of Art of War move? To never offer explanation, only directives? If so can someone who's read the book tell me what my counter move is supposed to be? Something other than losing my OCD mind and talking like a street fighter.