Is that 2% or Skim?

About 4 days after son was born I found myself hooked up to a giant, industrial, dairy milking machine. Son was jaundiced and resting inside his little easy bake oven while this was going on. He had enormous Willy Wonka goggles on his wee face. And he couldn't be held till the yellow hue of his skin faded and it was safe to take him away from the lights.

But every 2 hours the oven timer would go off, and then I could bring him out for a super quick breast feeding. Then reluctantly slide him back in the oven till I head the next "ding-ding". There was so much pressure to get all the loving and feedng into those 10 minutes. And I was having trouble producing the breast milk. So the lactation staff wheeled in this enormous milking machine that would get out what son needed in time for his next feeding.

They hooked up both boobs to these giant, clear suction cups. Clear so I could watch my poor nipples being pulled to oblivion. Husband and the breast feeding coach were cheering me on while the machine tried to squeeze out teeny tiny drops of milk. And the machine was endlessly going "Waa. Waa. Waa. Waa."

If I could go back in time my future self would tell the boob team to clear the room and hand my past self a tin of formula. I would have said, "Dearest. If the breast feeding works, bravo! If not, add some warm water to this and tell everyone who insist you breastfeed to piss off."

Or I would have just popped this into the video machine and nodded sagely while my past self ripped off the titty suckers and started shaking the Enfamil.




Source: Found the video on Dlisted

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

Seriously, I am greatly grossed out by that. It almost looks pornographic!

Shannon said...

Wow. Well that would have gone a long way for me, too, when I was having such an awfully terrible start to nursing my first! I totally had the same experience with the jaundice and the "easy-bake oven". They put my daughter in there on about day 2-3 when my hormones were really letting loose and I totally wept for 24 hours straight because they wrapped a giant bandage around her eyes and it distressed me (more than was reasonable) that she couldn't see me. Luckily I had a fantastic nurse who supported my desire to breastfeed, but when my daughter was hungry and I had nursed until my nipples were cracked and bleeding and my baby was still hungry, she gently told me that in the wild, mothers who have trouble nursing lose their babies and that I wasn't doing anything wrong by supplementing with formula if it filled my baby's tummy. The boob squad gave me a break and my daughter was happy and we still went on to (eventually) have a successful nursing relationship. That ended, thankfully, around one year old.

Lotta said...

Anon - I know. I didn't want to say "that" word in the body of the post. I feared the Google searches it would attract. But yeah. Gross.

Shannon - I'm so glad your story turned out ok. I'll be that girl for my daughter if she ever has a baby. The one telling her it's OK to do forumula if that's what it comes to.

Anonymous said...

Amen, sister! Amen.

dinosaur toes said...

I don't even think there are words for that video. Yeah, seriously, I don't even know what to say.

Anonymous said...

I agree with the pornography sentiment. This is just really gross. Both children talk about wanting to breast feed forever, what are their future boyfriends (or girlfriends for that matter) what are they going to think of that?

I myself have 2 children and could not get past the "ick" factor and never tried breastfeeding. I do think though if a mother is willing and able to do it they should. On the other hand, no one should be made to feel bad about themselves if they can't do it.

As far as how old a child should be when they stop breastfeeding...unless they are living in an underdeveloped part of the world and need breast milk for proper nutrition, when a child starts walking, they should be done.

Amy Kate said...

WOW. THAT is the word for that video. Wow.
I always admired moms who make it to the 1 year mark, especially working moms. Pumping in an office sucks ass. And with my first (now 4.5 years old - and if she ever regarded my boobs at this point as anything other than something to look at when I come out of the shower or streak through the house and say "BOOBIES! MOM - Your boobs are out." I would be unable to handle it.) anyway I nursed until I went back to work and then after a month and a half of pumping in a small cubicle sized room twice a day and smelling like cheese all day from the drips, I gave up. Formula city, baby.
Baby #2 I was home, stayed home, and managed to keep a good output but I'm not a comfortable public nurser and I ended up primarily pumping throughout the day so hubby could be involved in feeding and save money on formula. And I loved doing that - I took supplements for my supply, and I kicked ass - there was just about always 30+ oz of milk in the fridge for her, ready to go, plus some in the freezer. And then at about 10 months, I decided enuff znuff and my supply tanked and that was over.
And I'm comfortable with the 10 month mark. I guess maybe I don't get the bond because I was more of a pumper than a nurser? and I can't imagime my kid walking up to me with all those teeth and saying, "Hey mom" and lifting up my shirt, pulling down my bra, and taking a couple swigs. I get the comfort thing, but how about just a hug???

Tuna Girl said...

I only made it to the :45 mark on that video. Creepy.

I was lucky that after about ten days of almost starving my jaundiced baby to death, I gave myself a damn wake up call. Hurrah for Similac. But those ten days were the worst of my life.

Realizing that what was right for me and my family was what really mattered (and not what any experts said) changed me as a mom. For the better. Maybe some things do happen for a reason.

Amber Dawn said...

ah yes I have seen this video several times on youtube and on TV and tried to be open minded but all I keep coming up with is....that shyit aint right.
I totally understand about the 10 minutes of pressure. My lil one lived butt naked in a suitcase tanningbed on our diningroom table for his first week of life with his sexy velcro glasses.

Katrina said...

Ok...I got something to say about that...

WTF?

Now I am ALL for breastfeeding extended amounts of time...I nursed my eldest until he was 2, and about 18 months with the next batch. But DAMN Y'ALL! There is a point at which it crosses some kinda line somewhere...doesn't it?

The Hussy Housewife said...

I just vomited in my mouth!

So glad to see you are still plugging along and back to blogging!!

Michelle said...

Blech

jen duncan said...

Girl; where do you find this stuff?! I couldn't make it past 1 minute. urgh.

Lori said...

There is just so many things wrong with this video...the fact that they "named" them......OMG! That is just so warped.

ar said...

so the sound isn't working on my p.o.s. computer so I didn't catch the whole story...but that is some crazy stuff. i kept waiting for dear old dad to lean over and take a gulp. we are women who are blessed with the ability to provide nutrition for our babies. babies. not 5 year olds. we are not milk machines. gotta wonder about the issues those kids will have later in life.

your post reminded me of my first childs birth. jaundice - biliruben beds - and the glorious hospital grade pumps. i did manage to nurse her for 10 months and every month was a victory. bottom line is you do what works for you.

i totally enjoyed reading all the responses to this post. i was afraid i'd wake everyone in my house i was laughing so hard!

Amanda said...

No, dear, dear no.

Anonymous said...

I am very supportive of breastfeeding. Made it to the 10 month point with my daughter and plan to nurse my second, when she had enough teeth to possibly sever a nipple is when I said enoughs enough. Whether you have sound or not the video tells all, MOM and KIDS have some issues!! I recall the mom saying something screwy like "we get as much enjoyment out of it as possible" WHOA!!!! I think some sort of investigation should be taking place!!!

Magpie said...

It's crazy. Way crazy. And my kid nursed for a long time. But five and EIGHT? Crazy.

Rapunzel said...

Wow, ok, this is what My Man's Ex did with their kids and, though he was "supportive" as well, it definitely impacted their marriage in a negative way. *shudder* I'm all for breastfeeding, nursed mine for approx 7 months each, but enough is enough!