About 4 days after son was born I found myself hooked up to a giant, industrial, dairy milking machine. Son was jaundiced and resting inside his little easy bake oven while this was going on. He had enormous Willy Wonka goggles on his wee face. And he couldn't be held till the yellow hue of his skin faded and it was safe to take him away from the lights.
But every 2 hours the oven timer would go off, and then I could bring him out for a super quick breast feeding. Then reluctantly slide him back in the oven till I head the next "ding-ding". There was so much pressure to get all the loving and feedng into those 10 minutes. And I was having trouble producing the breast milk. So the lactation staff wheeled in this enormous milking machine that would get out what son needed in time for his next feeding.
They hooked up both boobs to these giant, clear suction cups. Clear so I could watch my poor nipples being pulled to oblivion. Husband and the breast feeding coach were cheering me on while the machine tried to squeeze out teeny tiny drops of milk. And the machine was endlessly going "Waa. Waa. Waa. Waa."
If I could go back in time my future self would tell the boob team to clear the room and hand my past self a tin of formula. I would have said, "Dearest. If the breast feeding works, bravo! If not, add some warm water to this and tell everyone who insist you breastfeed to piss off."
Or I would have just popped this into the video machine and nodded sagely while my past self ripped off the titty suckers and started shaking the Enfamil.
Source: Found the video on Dlisted