Shopping For Epiphanies

I was at the grocery store late the other night. Pj pants, no wedding ring and a cart full of random and solitary items. One loaf of bread. One pound of ground beef. One liter of diet coke. I felt the eyes of the person behind me looking into my cart. Bored, and trying to determine who I was based on what I was buying. And I imagined she was thinking, "Single lady. Probably has a cat. No make that multiple cats. I bet that hamburger is for her giant brood of precious kitties."

And I wanted to turn around and say, "I'm actually not single. I hate cats. We're just kinda skint till payday so I'm doing the mini-grocery shop till then. And I took my ring off when I was doing dishes tonight. I really have a GREAT husband and kids."

But I kept quiet. Because to randomly sputter these things would have been totally mental. And I'm trying to cut back on the totally mental. But I also kept quiet because I realized that most of the women that I would like to know, would care to know, would have seen beyond the cart anyway.

The ones that I might care about would have recognized the tell tale signs of a late night mom escape. The "Oh my God. I'm so beat down tired" hunch in my posture. The "If I don't get to go somewhere where nobody NEEDS me right now I'm gonna lose it" crazy-glint in my eye. And the "Should I write a check? How fast does the Jewel Osco put their checks through? Will husband notice that I slipped a Star magazine in if he looks at the receipt" eye-rolling calculations.

The woman that I would want to know, would totally get it. Even if she might also be thinking, "Oh dear God is THAT what I looked like last Wed. night? I swear I'll never go to the Jewel in my pajamas again."

And then my flannel clad, bedraggled self was suddenly really happy. Cause at 37 I've finally figured out not only the type of women friends that I want in my life. But that it's ok not to waste a moment worrying about the rest of the gals. Even if they are hypothetical friends that I imagine are judging what's in my grocery cart. How very, very nice.

Note: There are a million awesome women blog friends who "get it" that I could have linked to. I just linked to the two that are local and might actually see me at the Jewel in my flannels.


Jenny said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jenny said...

Housefrau check it out.

That is totally the 'hat' that you need to wear next time you go out like that!

I think I have just delurked on your site! I love reading you and didn't every have anything constructive more than "yeah, you go girl" to say.


Katrina said...

As I sit here reading this in my flannel pajamas at 2 in the afternoon, I nod and say...

You know that's right!

Grim Reality Girl said...

Amen. There was something magic for me in turning 40 recently... I no longer gave a shit what you saw in my cart (YES those are SUPER tampons). I no longer gave a shit that I didn't look my best. If you see me and judge me, oh well! I'm happy with my insane life and that's good enough. If I had so much free time as to always look my best and have a clean house... well, that would not be living!

Lazenby Family News said...

The comment just before the the one above, took the words right out of my mouth. I'm still in my flannel nightgown and it's 1:14 pm. mother-in-law just arrived for lunch. No kidding!

I was just thinking of leaving a comment because I think it's rude to visit for a long while, just reading your fun "stuff" and then lurk away.

You say to yourself, "Who is that person from Santa Paula, California?" Just me, a mostly regular grandmother, leading a very erratic (Whew! I almost left the word, erotic) life at Danger Ranch.

Love your blog and I can't remember how I got here. Oh yeah, I was looking for awards for my grandchildren. Like, "Most entertaining" I have 14 of the little "human beans" and they were all hatched from my DNA. I really want to award them certificates, probably to award myself, but right now, the only thing I can think of is: "Most Talented Grandchild With A.D.D"

I love your blog--so much better than the Sunday Paper. No Really, you made my day! (hugs) Susan Lazenby

Miss Yvonne said...

I feel you on this one. Only my cart was filled with candy, cake mix, frosting and aluminum foil. Because the kiddo told me at 8:45pm that he needed to bring a theme-cake to his literature class the next day. But I'm sure anyone that looked in my cart would think "Damn fatty, slow down on the sweets huh?" LOL

Amy Kate said...

Thanks for the link!! And trust me, I'm often at Jewel/Target/Walgreens/Kohls looking totally scuzzy wandering around with a zombie-ish vacant look in my eyes, very clear that this is "mom's night out" which is what my single/kidless friends mockingly refer to my solo shopping jaunts. And then cry a little inside and declare that they will never have kids based on that.
What I love is that my husband would HAPPILY come home from work and I could check out of mom-mode and, you know, go see a movie, or get my brows waxed, or a decent haircut, but by the time he gets home, most of the time I am just counting down until dusk so I can justify pajama pants and then don't feel like an actual outing, just going to one of my usual haunts and zoning out.
So I'm with you, man. And trust me, if I run into you at Jewel/Target/Kohls/Walgreens some night, I will hold up a gallon of milk and an InTouch in solidarity. And likely admire your pjs.

Gwen said...

Maybe I should start shopping at Jewel, just so I can see you in your jammies.

And now I must get out of my own, to go to my own grocery store (not Jewel).

harassedmomsramblings said...

I so get this - all of it!!

I actually try analyse people by the contents of the trolley - they always have wondeful lives though :)

Alisa Bowman said...

Found you through best of mommy bloggers. I have a fantasy at grocery store checkout that I am going to win an award (grocery shopping spree) for the healthiest cart. I've never had a check out person notice my lettuce and broccoli and such. The only time I ever got a comment was when the check out guy noticed my icing covered sugar cookies and said, "Wow those have a lot of sugar."

Thanks for letting me know, buddy.

calamity kim said...

I have a pair of "compfy" pants that are knit capri wide legs and I have gotten looks when I wear them- like they thought I was wearing jammies-Junior Leaguers be damned I say! Wear what you want and Love Yourself! I am so happy that you are getting the big picture- nobody cares what you look like here- its all about who you are that makes you sparkle & shine.
it's all good
love & kisses for a happy Thanksgiving!
Thanks for being a cyber sister
calamity kimc