Come On Everybody's Doing It!

Things That Make Me Want To Have A Third Child

When I watch TV and see those commercials where the newborn is kind of gassy smiling up at the new dad. It reminds me of stroking my swaddled son's cheek because it gave him a reflex smile. Which in turn gave me a reflex smile.

Missing the phantom pacifier suck. Tchmp, tchmp, tchmp, as if a pacifier was in their little mouths even though the dog had eaten their last one awhile back.

The vision of that beaming smile only a 1 and half year old can give you.

My friend Gwen, whom I'm sure I could count on for some kickass "new baby" dinner deliveries. How fabulous was it to have people bring you homemade food you just heated up?

It's easy to pretend you're not old when your children are still tiny.

If we planned it right both my older kids would be in school when the baby was born. So I could have those awesome long naps where your bed feels like it's goddamned Hawaii.

Daughter has been such an easy kid to raise. And I think I could do the boy thing better the second time around. Even though it freaked me out when the neighbor rang the doorbell to give me back my naked boychild. Because he had pushed a stool up to the door, undid the extra hook and eye latch, and then made a run for it in all his naked ass glory. I think I could appreciate that crazy boychild glee more now that I'm properly medicated for anxiety and have faith that I could keep the child alive.

Things That Keep My Ovaries On Lockdown

Thinking about waking up every two hours all night long by myself. I figure the third one won't see husband at 3AM till he or she has called to say he crashed the car.

A negative bank account balance (Frankly it should be illegal to fine you $35 for being $1.22 overdrawn. Bastards.)

The fact that I weigh 214. Yep. It's no 252 - but it's not where I wanted to be at this point. And all is not vanity. I had bed rest with both pregnancies cause of preeclampsia. I figure all the extra weight would make for a tricky pregnancy again. And plus sized maternity clothes suck ass. It's all solid colored tee-shirts and kahkis. Making you look like an oversized Bennigans waitress for 9 months.

$20 a week in formula. And while I would breastfeed for a bit - this video will help you understand why it won't be for very long.

The fact that one of Santa's wee elfs, or those awesome folks from Little People Big World on TLC, would find our house a bit small.

The postpartum depression I got after daughter was born. Though I maintain that it was circumstantial - the circumstances of having a third child might be just enough for a sequel.

Having to give up some or all of my pharmaceutical friends.

I get all "I 'Vant To Be Alone!" more often than I want to admit during the day. And if I stay barren I'll get that time in a 2-3 years versus 5-6.

My mother and sister, who were crazy nervous when I was pissing steak sized amounts of protein, would kick my ass.

Thinking about my low parenting moments. Times when I was mean or made full-on asshole parenting moves.


Lisa V said...

We really debated with having a third. It took us over a year of going back and forth. Finally the reason that won out was that we had always planned on having three and I felt like I would always regret it if we didn't.

I can tell you lots of downsides to three- bigger cars, you suddenly get moved to big family in everyone's eyes. Hotels and restaurants are made for families of four.

When you have a big age gap (my oldest two were 4 and 6 when the third was born) it's sometimes like having two families. Family entertainment becomes more complicated. The littlest one is ready for the things the big ones want to do (even movies) and the big ones are bored by the stuff the little ones want to do. There is never "I'll take this kid, and you take that one" with your husband anymore. Oh, and money. It costs more to raise more kids, it just does. We are looking at colleges now for the oldest, and it staggers me that we have to do this again and again and again. A third child takes away time from your other two, this seems like "duh" but is a lot harder when you are living it. You sometimes feel "been there, done that" and don't really feel like doing the storytime, boo at the zoo, mommy and me gymnastics yet again.

Now, all that stuff I told you, really bothered me for a 3 to 5 years. It doesn't now. The third one is 10. We had a fourth one dropped in our laps through kinship adoption, and I had to work all of it out again. He is 6 now, but up until last year I was still having a hard time coping with four kids. Now, it's just life.

I'm happy to have this big family now. I will be thrilled to have four adult children. We've learned how to cope with lots of kids in most situations. I used to say that I would advise my children to only have 2 kids. It's easier in every aspect. Now, I don't know. It's still easier with two, but once they are older all kids start getting easier.

I adore my children, I am so thankful I have all of them. Being a large family has come at a price for all of us that in the end I'm willing to pay.

So that's it for today's very long winded assvice portion of the program.

Maria said...

I don't have kids yet-I have yet to experience the grueling pain of delivering a baby and the sleepless nights, so obviously my advice doesn't mean shit in a post like this, LOL.

Which is why I'm not giving any.

I just wanted to share to comment as a child of a family of four kids.

I have three brothers- one older, two younger. I am so happy that we are what most people consider a "big" family. I know that it must have been hard raising us- and we didn't have a lot of luxuries- but we had a blast together. My brothers are truly some of my best friends. I'm blessed enough to still have both my parents, but I also have three people I know I can always count on, and they know they can always count on me. You are less alone in this world when you have siblings. It feels really good to have that.

Just thought I'd share.

jen duncan said...

Well Lotta. It sounds to me like you got it all worked out. What a helpful tool this blog is, huh? I'll add one to the latter column; did you know that practicing Zero Population means to simply replicate yourself and your husband and stop there? Yep, you are very PC at this momemnt. :-)
Maybe it's time for a puppy?

marymurtz said...

I have no advice, being one of twelve. I have one child, and would have adopted more but we're over 40 now and too f***ing broke and tired. My parents were broke and tired, too. My siblings were the greatest gift they ever gave me, but they really struggled to provide.

Either decision you make is a good one. And I bet Gwen would bring you food whether you had another baby or not.

Tuna Girl said...

I wouldn't have another kid if someone offered me a million dollars. In fact, my husband got the BIG V while I was still pregnant with my son. Considering a third is such a foreign concept to me that I couldn't even begin to give advice.

I don't know...babies are cute and all, but before you know it you'll be a grandma and that's probably the most fun. ;-)

Judi said...

Oh Lotta...... I know how you feel. I just had my fourth baby, with my oldest being 15 years old. It was easy for me to make the decision to have more.... I was the baby of five kids in our family and loved having my sisters and my pest of an older brother around. And still do! (We were broker than hell growing up but never went without.... there was no soda in our house nor was there a cookie drawer...... if we wanted cookies, we had to bake them! And here I am ..... no resentment whatsoever).

At times my kids drive me crazy and I wonder what in world I was thinking when I decided to have them....... but then there are the times that I feel that insane amount of love that just can't be felt from any other source .... and I know that these four decisons I made were the best I've ever made and will ever make. I believe your desire for another is a sign of how much you love your little ones.

That being said..... it's still hard. This is the only job we will have that we won't know how we did until they have children themselves. I think that's the best gague of how we parented.

It's eventually up to each of us as to the reasons we choose to have more. The pull will always be there... my Mom will be 70 next year and she still has those pangs! We're doomed!

Oh, DO NOT CHECK MY BLOG TONIGHT...... the pictures won't help with the taming of the ovaries!

one smarmy mama said...

I have no advice. I have my third baby and while I'm very happy with my family, I completely agree with all your "lockdown" reasons. My third was a happy accident and had it not accidentally happened, I don't know if it would have purposefully happened.

I do love you for admitting your weight. As silly as that sounds. I just broke the 200 mark and am feeling very self loathing. But , you're pretty. So, logic would tell me that I can't possibly be as hideous as I think I am if you are, in fact, cute.

Lotta said...

Every single one of your comments is insanely helpful I hope you know. I'm printing these out to keep with me.

One Smarmy - Funny thing. The nurse at the Dr's office put the big old weight on the 100. I slid it over to the 200 mark and she looked surprised and said I hid it well. It's all dead weight in the ass and thighs baby.

And don't feel shitty about yourself. That's such a no-man's land. Enjoy your holiday and then get back to taking care of yourself to get where you want to be. That's my plan. So you'll likely see my weight posted more mid January.

underthebigbluesky said...

The phantom sucking always gets me. ALWAYS!

And the way they fit right into your chest.

Ahhhhhh. Baby moments.

But I cite your reasons as well as we don't have an extra bedroom and putting two girls in one room would be too horrible for words.

Oh yeah, I do lack a partner too.

Oh well.

underthebigbluesky said...

The phantom sucking always gets me. ALWAYS!

And the way they fit right into your chest.

Ahhhhhh. Baby moments.

But I cite your reasons as well as we don't have an extra bedroom and putting two girls in one room would be too horrible for words.

Oh yeah, I do lack a partner too.

Oh well.

Kristin said...

Oh amen sister! Been debating the same thing myself. (though my husband doesn't know this yet!). A friend with 3 came for a visit and I was holding her 3 month old and dealing with my 2 and thought "i can do this" But who am I kidding myself, that was like 2 hours and the kids had all be fed and napped and bathed already, I can't imagine juggling 3. As much as I want that sweet little snuggly baby. Plus I've had 2 c-sections and I don't think my body can handle a 3rd.
Good luck to you in your decision. And really, either way you go you can handle it.

Persimmons Gal said...

I can relate much more to the ovaries on lockdown than the wanna have (for me) second child. I have never had an urge.

You are hilarious by the way.

Mama said...

Did you read my mind before you wrote this? Only one you missed (on both lists) was the Joy/Agony of finally getting rid of the crib and baby swing...

Amy Kate said...

My sweet, sweet, love...I'm right on board with you.
My little one is 17 months. And I am already thinking about how sweet they are when they are little and helpless and just adore you and your boobs. And then I look at my almost-5 year old, who regularly tells me she hates me and I'm ugly, and realize I need to just burn out these ovaries and leave it at that.
It's like puppies...they're so cute when they're little, but they grow up!! Enjoy your sweet, beautiful two and just hang out with people with littler ones.

OH! And I'm at about 200-202 point right now. My peak weight during pregnancies was about 213, so I'm pretty disgusted with myself right now and keep clamoring for a medical condition to justify this weight. And yet...I think it is just the crappy food and cookies. Oh well.
We'll get through it!