Things That Make Me Want To Have A Third Child
When I watch TV and see those commercials where the newborn is kind of gassy smiling up at the new dad. It reminds me of stroking my swaddled son's cheek because it gave him a reflex smile. Which in turn gave me a reflex smile.
Missing the phantom pacifier suck. Tchmp, tchmp, tchmp, as if a pacifier was in their little mouths even though the dog had eaten their last one awhile back.
The vision of that beaming smile only a 1 and half year old can give you.
My friend Gwen, whom I'm sure I could count on for some kickass "new baby" dinner deliveries. How fabulous was it to have people bring you homemade food you just heated up?
It's easy to pretend you're not old when your children are still tiny.
If we planned it right both my older kids would be in school when the baby was born. So I could have those awesome long naps where your bed feels like it's goddamned Hawaii.
Daughter has been such an easy kid to raise. And I think I could do the boy thing better the second time around. Even though it freaked me out when the neighbor rang the doorbell to give me back my naked boychild. Because he had pushed a stool up to the door, undid the extra hook and eye latch, and then made a run for it in all his naked ass glory. I think I could appreciate that crazy boychild glee more now that I'm properly medicated for anxiety and have faith that I could keep the child alive.
Things That Keep My Ovaries On Lockdown
Thinking about waking up every two hours all night long by myself. I figure the third one won't see husband at 3AM till he or she has called to say he crashed the car.
A negative bank account balance (Frankly it should be illegal to fine you $35 for being $1.22 overdrawn. Bastards.)
The fact that I weigh 214. Yep. It's no 252 - but it's not where I wanted to be at this point. And all is not vanity. I had bed rest with both pregnancies cause of preeclampsia. I figure all the extra weight would make for a tricky pregnancy again. And plus sized maternity clothes suck ass. It's all solid colored tee-shirts and kahkis. Making you look like an oversized Bennigans waitress for 9 months.
$20 a week in formula. And while I would breastfeed for a bit - this video will help you understand why it won't be for very long.
The fact that one of Santa's wee elfs, or those awesome folks from Little People Big World on TLC, would find our house a bit small.
The postpartum depression I got after daughter was born. Though I maintain that it was circumstantial - the circumstances of having a third child might be just enough for a sequel.
Having to give up some or all of my pharmaceutical friends.
I get all "I 'Vant To Be Alone!" more often than I want to admit during the day. And if I stay barren I'll get that time in a 2-3 years versus 5-6.
My mother and sister, who were crazy nervous when I was pissing steak sized amounts of protein, would kick my ass.
Thinking about my low parenting moments. Times when I was mean or made full-on asshole parenting moves.