OCD TV

TLC - you have got to stop fucking with me. You and your damn medical mysteries are freaking me out. I hate porous textures, and have to think of smooooth surfaces if I'm in a room with too much wicker or loofah. And so when I do a drive-by with the remote control and catch a glimpse of Tree Man you set me back like 5, 10 therapy years.

All I want to do is watch Jon get henpecked (though he is looking like he's primed for a hot babysitter these days) or Kate scrub out her new fridge with Q-tips. And I love to adore those sweet tiny folks. Amazed that that wee mom gets more done than my 5'4" ass ever does. But you keep luring me in and then tormenting me with your freaky medical shows. I want to keep clickin past, but I'm immobilized when I see this stuff.

And after being mesmerized by the girl with the the giant legs I was convinced that my legs were that size. It took a long time to talk me and my plus sized thighs down from hysteria. The girl born with out a face, the man who's arm's exploded. Stop! Please just give me some toddlers having meltdowns because their eyeshadow doesn't match their tiaras. Or getting stoked because they can buy a cow.

No more giant tumors TLC! I beg you! I just don't stock enough Xanax and hand wipes to keep up.

10 comments:

Keely said...

omg! I can't watch those things after tree guy.

Lost In Splendor said...

I have to admit I watch those shows. I will be happily watching a "normal" program such as Jon and Kate Plus Eight or Toddlers & Tiaras and suddenly a commercial will come on for people who eat 33,000 calories A DAY and I instantly add it to TiVo. I can't help it. Sometimes I just need to know how even if I am watching it with my hand over my face.

Though that big leg thing? I was completely convinced that was going to happen to me after seeing it and I still can't get the tree man out of my head.

Compulsively Yours...for now said...

I am in love. oh, baby

Kathi D said...

Barf.

But return to TLC for Toddlers and Tiaras.

You're welcome.

Jennifer said...

It is specificly post like this, EXACTLY like this, that show why you are my favorite blogger.

Thanks.

Miss Yvonne said...

OMG, the girl with the giant legs! Aack!! I turned that one on while I was eating dinner. Big mistake. Huge.

LOL at Jon and the hot babysitter. I love that show, but that poor guy hasn't seen his man card in years.

The Introvert said...

AAHHH! That muscle dude freaks me out. How does he wipe himself? How does Tree Man wipe himself? How does Giant Leg Girl wipe herself? Why is that the first question I think of?

Meghan said...

I love those shows. The more jacked up the affliction, the better. And although I'm chubby, I cannot get enough of the shows on obesity. My husband is forever saying, "Do we HAVE to watch this?" And I'm like, "YES! This 19-year-old kid is crying naked on the toilet!" Also we live within miles of Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar.

Emmie {orange + barrel} said...

That is so funny. I can't handle un-smooth surfaces either. I literally become unnerved. I am glad I am not the only one.

sour said...

I can hardly stand to watch these shows but it's one of those car-accident-can't-look-away scenarios every single time.
my boyfriend usually saves me, he'll just walk right over and change the channel.

um. wtf does tree man have??? yikes