Sparkle Like You Mean It!

The kids have started taking classes at a local dance/karate/gymnastics school. (Thank you Grandma and Grandpa!) Son is kicking ass in his Tae Kwan Do class. While I sit on the lumpy waiting room couch, watching him and thinking, "Yeah man. I gotta get some exercise."

Daughter is taking a dance class, that requires her to wear pink from head to toe. Pink tights, pink leotard, pink skirt, pink ballet shoes and pink leg warmers. And she'll need to buy a $30 purple and pink special sparkly skirt to wear in the spring show. Which costs $30 to register for and $3 for each ticket to the event. Sonofapinkbitch. Good think I have affordable health insurance.

This costuming dress code frightens me a bit. Especially after peeking into the gymnastics room and seeing leotards so sparkle laden they could put a disco ball to shame. But as soon as I saw daughter twirling around on the sunlit wooden dance floor with a group of other little pink girls I swooned. The girls were so soft looking, like a big yummy ball of cotton candy tumbling around the room.

I tried to chat with some of the other parents during daughter's class. Parents who did NOT want to chat because they were too busy rapping their knuckles on the glass and yelling, "Point your toes!".

I did find one mom who was eager to talk though. She said, "I wanted to have my kids while I was young, so you know I could have the energy to keep up and you know get my body back right away! I'm 30 now and that's way too old to be having more kids!". I told her I was 37 and she sort of sidled off like my age might be catching. I think next week I'm going to stuff my pants so it looks like I'm wearing a geriatric diaper. Put on a little Eau de peepee.

Son's karate class is directly after the tween dance/cheer/pom classes. And I listen to the moms that hang around and chat on the lumpy couch after class. "Ashley won't eat potatoes. Ashley needs to get new spanky pants. Ashley shit glitter last week and we were sooo excited!". Don't get me wrong, I love pom and cheer. I was a "Trojanette" in high school - no shit. The Trojanettes was the name of the junior pom squad, for you know "The Trojans". And I don't mind telling you that we did quite a few smart little numbers to songs like One Night In Bangkok. Oh yes we did.

But these moms just didn't, or couldn't, talk about anything else but cheer or pom or their daughter's highly specialized needs. It was unsettling. Still, I'm really excited to see the kids having so much fun in their classes. I'm actually going to sign daughter up for gymnastics. Even though it means wincing when I see her run across the mats in an off the shoulder purple sparkle leotard with matching headband.

But if you go to this school too, and see me doing the dance/gymnastic routines from the sidelines and reminding daughter to smile - I haven't joined you, I'm just drunk.

19 comments:

Heather said...

I wanted my oldest daughter to take dance lessons but she refused. I was sad. Then I read things like this and I don't feel so bad.

Liz said...

My daughter goes to gym and ballet classes in our city's recreation center. In the gym class, they only required you to require to wear comfortable clothes, no leotard. But ballet is another matter, tutu, tights, ballet shoes all the way.

PamKittyMorning said...

We did tap thru the rec center, no costumes, no performances past dancing for old people at the senior lunch. I loved it. The 'real' dance classes were too much for me, being an outsider.
Gymnastics was fun, no sparkles, just a good leotard and eventually some of those glove things.

Helena said...

I love your attitude!

By the way, I'm 41. Maybe I should stand next to 30-year old next time. That would scar her for life.

Jen said...

I sort of suspect that our daughters are in the same dance class. Those dance moms scare me.

one smarmy mama said...

I had a similar experience when my daughter tried ballet. On the second class I got a stern lecture from another mom and the secretary at the school about how I needed to plan on spending thousands a year and increase my time at the "academy" GREATLY. They all took it VERY VERY SERIOUSLY. I'm like "It's 4 year olds in tu tus".

Gretchen said...

My girls both take ballet - and love it. Fortuantely where we have them they understand that not everyone is as star, and just look to get the best out of each girl individually. That said, if they were stars, they could cater to that as well. It's a nice balance.

Of course, we had two costumes to buy for the spring recital - at $85 each. Yes, even for my four year old.

Thank heavens for my mother and her checkbook.

Lulu said...

I don't think it's about the dance/tae kwon do/gymnastics.....it's about the dance costume business that the 'academy director' is running, which is of course, the only place that you'll be able to buy the sparkly leotard tutu recital costume and shoes.

Now you know where the cheerleader and band moms start.

Chocolate and Steel said...

This is one of my top 10 posts by you! You summed up how I feel about a lot of things that I do:
"But if you go to this school too, and see me doing the dance/gymnastic routines from the sidelines and reminding daughter to smile - I haven't joined you, I'm just drunk. "

SoMo said...

I have one word for you: Target. That is where we got daughter's leotard with shorts and not a sparkle to be found. Sure she ask to get the $35 sparkle ones she sees at the dance stores and at the gym, but I am mean and just say NO!!! (It is bad enough that I have already spent $200 on the revue plus new dance shoes every year.) Besides, I am a little frightened at how many little girl butts I have seen hanging out the back of their leotards. I really don't want to sit there, minding my own business and have some little girl do a split and I know all her business. Now, I know why the dads are always reading their papers or on their cell phones. SHEESH!!!

Gwen said...

Have you run into the mothers who are already highlighting their daughters' hair? Because those women are my heroes. On the real.

Lotta said...

There were long discussions about hair. Which was better, curly (with a falsie) or straight and the bangs pulled back with a tiny bow. But no highlights yet....

We did buy the whole generic pink outfit at Walmart - praise be the big box stores. But the recital skirt HAS to be custom made and purchased through the dance studio' shop. Sigh.

Though I do remember getting a snazzy and expensive lime green sparkly dance outfit when I was about my daughter's age. Then I got too shy and didn't want to be in the recital. But mom let me keep that outfit for dress up. I still remember how totally special I felt dancing around the house in it. Of course, that was the end of dance too.

dance said...

leotards are comfortable and provide the flexibility you are after when needing something to wear to a dance recital. As a dancer, you know that you need two types for dancing. You need one type for practices and another for the big show.

underthebigbluesky said...

my girls are out of all activities right now and I so don't miss those scary waiting rooms.

i always felt like i was back in school and didn't fit in.

most times i just took a book.

boo said tonight she wanted to do gymnastics and i wanted to hide my head under the table, but at least there's now $53.00 costumes and $5.00 tickets, that's what ours were (times two).

Rhiannon said...

So terribly terrible that I'm 30 and I have NO KIDS YET.

I'll surely have one foot in the grave any day now.

laughingatchaos said...

ThankyouGodIhaveboys...deep breath...whohavenointerestintheseactivities.
But if I see you at this school, I'll join you in the drinks. ;)

dance said...

Versatile. Plus size leotards are used in a variety of ways. Aside from plus size lingerie models wearing them during photo shoots, customers may pick them for a number of reasons. They are oftentimes used for dance activities and performances. They may also be used at home for exercising. They may be worn to the gym for fitness classes. They may also be used for swimming activities.

Anonymous said...

You never cease to crack me up. We share the same love of sarcasim and making fun of people like this. I have to tell you I had the same sort of experience when I took my son down to sign up for little league. He is only 7, but it seems already too far behind. One look at the "baseball moms" and I knew this was not our lifestyle. Not that we're snobs, (maybe just a bit elitist!) but seriously I would not be caught dead with my make-up done to the hills and hair to match, wearing a baseball jersey and Rebok tennis shoes. NEVER!!!

georgia said...

We sometimes worry too much about our kids. I have taken my daughter to swimming lessons for two years without seeing single stroke. Even teacher has given up on her as she let her splash on her own on the side. But she is swimming like a fish now. They will take their own time and choose their own path.