Birth'n Babies

The other night my family and I were hanging out, watching TV and talking. And for some reason I decided to tell son that when he was born they had to use vacuum to get him out. Cause why? I guess I must have thought that would be some kind of impressive information for him to have.
School Friend: Dude, I've got a Nintendo DS!

Son: Yea, well the Dr. ripped me from my mom's vagina with a Hoover.
Son looked suitably impressed, was quiet for a moment, then asked me exactly what part of my body he was sucked out of. My mouth maybe?

"No", I replied, "My babyhole".

Son was cool with that and left the room to go wherever the hell 6 year olds go in their free time. But husband and I were suddenly struck with the hilarity of the term "My babyhole" and couldn't stop wheezing and laughing for a good twenty minutes.

The lesson here? Come up with a list of proper vagina euphemisms BEFORE you decide to talk to your family about birth'n babies. Because I goshdarned guarantee you that for the next two months any special couple time is going to include references to said babyhole.

And that son WILL tell his Kindergarten class his interpretation of our conversation. That he was thrust into the world via some kind of pneumatic tube device like the one he saw at the bank's drive through. And if they don't believe him they can just ask his mom about her babyhole!


fidget said...

"my babyhole" ROFL *gasps* *gasps* ROFL My first thought was the bank tubes bwhahahahahahah

WaltzInExile said...

Yet more support for my position that we are just not using euphemisms AT. ALL.

Lotta said...

I'm getting a wee bit of slack for not using proper names so here's the deal.

My parents gave us an Our Bodies Ourselves book at like age 4. Way too much oversharing on proper names and body functions. I vowed never to ask my child if they had a BM. Or to ask them how their VAGINA felt in public.

Were we having a more serious "How are babies made" discussion I would totally use proper names. But it's ok to be silly about it all too I think.

Karen Sugarpants said...

Bwahahahaha I'm gonna try that on my 4 year old. No worries, the therapy accounts are well-padded. There's room for experimentation here.

Kathi D said...

This goes right into my folder marked "Why I have dogs instead of human children."

Lunch Buckets said...

Maybe next weekend you can tell him about the monster episiotomy they had to do to get the vacuum up in that there babyhole.

Don't worry about the proper name thing. My Mom gave me books, but didn't actually speak about those things. I was way older than I want to admit when I found out it was PEENIS and not PEN(like a writing instrument)IS.

Mags said...

Okay. So I read this last night (along with the link back to proper vaginal euphemisms). I laughed my ass off (boy I wish that was literally and not just figuratively). Anyway, my hubby is a Lotta fan too so I had him read it. When he read it and laughed HIS ass off, I laughed all over again. I had to come back and read it again today. I heart you Lotta!

Lotta said...

Mags that is so nice!

Lotta said...

Lunchbu - AMEN to that. I was sitting on ice packs for weeks.

Anonymous said...

I tried not to use euphemisms. but the first time I told her boys had penis's and girls had vagina's...she looked at me and said "mama I don't got no 'china' I gots a bottom" in her very affronted 3yo bottom it was!

Besides, they all figure it out eventually and at least his Kindergarten teache will be entertained for the day!