Reasons Why I'm Shutting Down The Blog
Creatively ready to move on.
Ran Out Of Funny Stories. It's true. The best writers are drunks and whores (i.e. Southeners and Canadians.) Well medicated, somewhat well adjusted women are just not creating the kind of slapstick fodder that's neccesary for good humor blogging.
That bad "Mom O Matic" keychain someone made. (FYI: copywrite your blog name)
My kids have reached an age where we are actually having more fun than ever together. I'm not needing that blog wormhole as much as I once did when they were small. "Lalalalala I can't hear you I'm blogging. Lalaalala."
Coming to terms with the fact that I take on too much and then complain about feeling scattered. Trying to hone down what I'm doing to a mere half a dozen things at once.
Untrue Rumors About Why I'm Shutting Down The Blog
I am protesting the anti-swagger/pr blackout bloggers. Not true. Though I have to add that while I understand that saying you love a hug at Blogher09 more than a free Bounce sample is a good and true statement. I'll take that hug AND a free bounce sample thankyouverymuch. In fact, if you saw all the swag bags in my hotel room you would have thought I was fucking grocery shopping. Go middle-class!
I'm actually a dude named Stan who lives in his mom's basement in Nebraska. Not true. Though my computer is in my basement - which makes the amount of time I spend online kind of scary when you realize I am doing it all from my subterranean lair.
I'm getting a divorce so I can marry someone I met on Match.com. Not true again. I only use eHarmony. (And am still madly in love with husband thanksforasking.)
Thebloggess is threatened by my beauty and success and threatened to "cut me bad" if I didn't drop out of the scene. (This is actually true. Help.)
I'm hoping you all will start a heavily Paypal donation driven petition to bring me back. Not true. Sorta. Maybe we can be all Midwestern passive aggressive about it. Where you offer up protest a few times knowing I'll politely refuse but appreciate the hospitality. (And if you have itchy Paypal fingers Friends Of Maddie would love your support.)
Reasons Why I Probably Should Not Shut Down The Blog.
It's been better than therapy.You all are awesome, thanks for coming to visit me. Thanks to PooponPeeps for not trashing me. And BIG thanks for listening to all my stories for the past 2 years.
Yeah, you in the back too.
My everyday friends will now be forced to receive all the blunt and lewd dialogue that I NEED to put forth everyday or risk imploding.
The fact that I still see that ghosty shadowy thing in my peripheral vision while I'm in the basement and I think it'll miss me when I'm not down here at 1 AM typing.
If you miss me too hard you can always follow me on Twitter (momomatic) though it's often unedited and sometimes drunken. Sort of like an unplugged version of this blog. And of course you can always BUY MY PRETTY CRAP on Etsy. Or just be a fan!
Missing you guys already!
Lots of love, keep on keeping on!
PS - Per usual. I blew off my contest winner. The winnah of the free fatassnomore wrap is Amy Kate. Email me lady!