Back To Blogging Or Perhaps Just Returning Some CDs And A Sweatshirt

There is a great website called The Internet Is My Boyfriend. And I have to agree with the founder's concept. Only I would add that the internet is actually more of a bad for you, but oh so good ex-boyfriend. The John Mayer of boyfriends.

You want him even after you quit him. You want to exchange some deep and meaningful comments. Some frivolous and dirty Twitters. Perhaps even languish in the afterglow of a good Facebook status update together.

And even though in the end you know that he will end up letting the strangest of strangers in on your dark secrets. That you will wake up to discover that his siren's song has gotten you to reveal that the OB told you your breasts had, "A lot of texture" during your annual exam. And that it was all you could do not to yell, "Say stretch marks bitch. Say it!" You come back still.

And you'll think, "My God I'm someones mother. Someones wife. I have got to quit this relationship." And you will walk away. Delete Twitter accounts. Swear to only go online to check emails.

And then your 4 year old will spend the day singing the Lazy Town theme song over and over again. Until your left eye starts twitching. And before you realize what's happened you and your internet boyfriend are back in bed together. Lazily smoking a virtual cigarette as you reflect on a blissed out two hours of grownup Twittering.

And you're back. You reinstate your blog. Make a new Twitter account.

Only this time you swear to do it right. You won't get all caught up in all his rascal charms. Spending hours together when you should be tending to your life, showering. You swear to enjoy the occasional guilty pleasure but not be swept away entirely by him.

You won't make the mistake of trying to turn your internet boyfriend into relationship material this time. You will simply steal moments after you've done the dishes, washed sticky hands and sat across the table from your husband to listen to his day.

At least, that's the plan. He's a seductive little bastard.

25 comments:

Amie aka MammaLoves said...

He's so fucking hot, isn't he?

Glad to have you back.

Lotta said...

Smok'n. Thanks for stopping by friend.

WhyIsDaddyCrying said...

So glad you're back my friend. And for the record, the Internet is totally cheating on you with me...oh..and it's a lady...not a dude...

Lunch Buckets said...

I knew you'd come back. Did that sound like a creepy voice? Cause it totally wasn't. A creeper would've said something like "I knew you'd come back to me.". See? Totally different.

PamKittyMorning said...

My prayers are answered.

Jessi said...

Oh it's so worth it. ;) Welcome back.

Lotta said...

Lunch buckets - you are slaying me already.

Pam and Jessi - Thanks! Good to see you here.

Whyis - Oh don't even. I can totally steal your girlfriend. Boyfriend. Whatever - it's on.

karen pery said...

It's a good day for the internet. Welcome back. (Karen aka jakelliesmom)

Jenny, the Bloggess said...

Your boyfriend missed you too.

Kathi D said...

Oh, are you back? I didn't even notice. Were you gone? That's funny, because I had no idea you weren't blogging. At all.

Just ignore the fact that I happened to notice that you had a new blog up, uh, pretty soon after you posted it. It's definitely not because I have been sitting in front of my computer for five months, constantly refreshing the screen on your blog page. Definitely not. Because I hardly even knew you were gone. At all.

(Please don't leave me again.)

Lotta said...

Karen - Of course, hi!

Jenny - Aww, you came. Thanks.

Kathi - I'm here. It's going to be ok. Shhhhhh.

sam {temptingmama} said...

Dude. I am sooooo glad you're back. I have been missing you!!

XOXOXO

Lotta said...

Sam - Thanks baby!

IamSusie said...

I knew you couldn't stay away forever! Welcome back!

Deb said...

He was an utter mess without you. Seriously. Wretched. Forgive him for releasing that one sex tape of you two, and now make this a healthy relationship that honors your kismet without fucking with your karma. I'm here for you. And by that I mean I'm here to watch any subsequent sex tapes.

B DOODLES said...

OMG...LOL...so true!

Katie J said...

He is impossible to resist...so good and yet so bad for you. You're really too good for him, but I'm so glad you guys are back together since it means we can double date.

Lynn @ Walking With Scissors said...

I'm glad you're back!!

lildb said...

*sigh*

yay.

Lotta said...

Hugs!

Miss Jess said...

Highlight of my week... (yes it's only Monday). I am so glad you are back to blogging!! Yah!

mommiebear2 said...

So glad ur back!!!

uthostage said...

I was going through my reader realizing AGAIN how far behind I am. And then... as I scrolled down my list... I saw something... I didn't really just see that did I?... my reader is fucking with my head for treating it like the black sheep of the family AGAIN... I scrolled back up... and saw it again... nah can't be... I rubbed my eyes... shook my head... it was there... REALLY there... NEW ITEMS! I might have done a happy dance. Or not. I'm not admitting to anything. YOU HAVE NO PROOF.

If you have any boyfriend probs now that you're back, I'll totally run interference for ya! Right now, though, I need to go do another happy dance. Maybe. Or I'll just toast to your return. :)

Tiggywumpus said...

Best Day Ever!!! just discovered you're back! (what DOES this say about my life?!) sitting in a strange office ( I travel for work) trying to stifle hysterical laughter at your olympics post...yes I should be doing something else. Thank you Thank you for being sucked back in.

Lotta said...

You guys! Slaying me with your nice. So good to be back too!