Possibly The Post That Will Make You Stop Liking Me

Come closer. I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Ready? You can't tell anyone I said this kay?

Sometimes...my kids are assholes.

Shhhhhh. Of course they are amazing, beautiful creatures with souls filled with cotton candy, rainbows and roses. Their kindness blows me away more often than not. And intellectually I recognize that they are supposed to be driven by their egos, or Id's. A survival instinct, a necessary self involvement so they can develop as they should. But sometimes...they are just assholes.

Want to know another secret? Sure you can handle it? Sometimes...your kids are assholes too.

And it's ok. Because ultimately, no matter how sweet, lovely and charming we all are - we're also assholes in some regard. It's human nature. So the next time your magnificent sire uses your guest towel to wipe his butt, don't fret. Your darling daughter sprays you with the hose cause you said no more Popsicles, don't worry. You have not failed as a parent. Your child will not grow up to be a heiny wiping deviant or a hoser. They are simply trying out their assholeness.

So pop the embroidered towel into the wash, grab a drink if it's noon, somewhere. And mutter "asshole" under your breath when nobody can hear you.

It's ok. I promise.

We will all know you still love your kids with all your heart and that you are a good person. When you aren't an asshole. Cause we all are sometimes.

17 comments:

karen pery said...

If I stopped liking you, it's only to love you more. Thanks for the fresh breeze of a new perspective. Made my day.

Muffin Top said...

Amen sister!!!

Amy Kate said...

Oh, I couldn't agree more. It is bad because I get so accustomed to saying things like "GAH! Char is being a total DICK today!" to my husband, friends, mom, etc. that I have to refrain from instinctively telling her something is a "dickhead move" instead of "That isn't really cool, hon. You wouldn't like someone acting like that to you, right?" Because "Dude, don't be a dickweed/asshole" is what automatically comes out of my mouth.
Agree with Karen - makes me love you more!

Jenny said...

What the other gals said.

Lindsay said...

favourite post ever!

Lotta said...

You guys are awesome. Amy - I totally know the reflex to say "don't be a dickweed" and to have to switch that out for a mom appropriate phrase!

areyoukiddingme said...

I'm with everyone else - this made me like you even more!

Or you could have titled this "If this post makes you stop liking me, then it especially applies to you - you are just unaware of it!"

I, however, would find this a fine occasion to buy new guest towels. Of course, I'm from the family who refused to use the fork that once touched dog food (why we didn't just throw them away, I will never know).

kathygee1 said...

Being a part time asshole, will help you be a survivor in this world. LOL

KC said...

Ain't that the everlovin' truth?

Gretchen said...

My kids aren't assholes. They're little shits. Sometimes. I just tell them they're being a turd.

Megan (Best of Fates) said...

Ah, the fear of a child growing up to be a hoser.

It strikes deep in us all.

Jen said...

My kid has a nickname. It is Asshole Baby. I use it frequently, love him to death but man...sometimes...

LSL said...

Love. I don't have kids, but I think all y'alls kids are assholes! (But, ok, every once in a while my angelic nephews are assholes, too.) :>

Rhiannon said...

This totally makes me feel better about thinking my nieces are little brats. (cute brats, but still)

Elisa @ Globetrotting in Heels said...

You know what my problem with that is? That I'm Italian. I'm naturally loud. I don't know if I can whisper "assholes" when I'm mad.

SoMo said...

Just wanted to let you know that my son was an asshole, today. He ran away and I couldn't find him for about 5 minutes while we were at Target.

And then while we were shopping, I heard a mom tell her son that just because it was his birthday it didn't give him license to act like a brat. I wanted to give her a fist bump, but didn't know if that is what it was used for. :)

Lotta said...

I love you all for admitting your child or relations occasional assholeness. You are bigger people for it!