When I get mad I like to shoot stuff. And while hitting a local firing range is so on my list, for some reason my family is hesitant to allow me around live ammo. But point me towards a video game that has a plastic rifle or shotgun attached by a curly cord and I am all over it. I will bag that cartoon deer. I will assassinate those zombies. I will annihilate aliens. And all the while I'll be thinking of my shoot list.
What's up with the bulgy neck muscles? Intense paint ball gun kickback man.Since my shoot list usually only resides in my head, it reads like a list your old lady neighbor who yells "I'm keeping this ball now!" would write with her stubby pencil on the back of a receipt. Be forewarned.
Shoot List
The neighbors who toss their bikes & ripped garbage bags on top of my flower beds.
Being broke. I want to murder broke. It makes me tell my kids they can't do camp this week, or go on a vacation with my family.
The people who keep finding my blog with pedophile search terms. (I might use live ammo for this one)
People who are unable to hold two opposing thoughts in their mind at the same time and are then unable to discuss anything without an extreme stance.
That person who was mean to you? Totally on my list.
People who never read. A newspaper on the crapper, a magazine, a blog or even better yet a book. Anything, just put something in your head.
The woman I saw 14 years ago in Amsterdam beating the hell out of her kid. I still think of her.
God forgive me, but the senior ahead of me in line at Walgreens with 100 rolls of toilet paper in their cart insisting that they honor a discount flyer from last year.
The OB that thought it would be fun to leave me in stirrups for an hour in the exam room.
Futility. I want to fill futility full of holes like a Valentines Day Massacre.
The ice cream man that drives by my house a million times a day with that tinny, static filled music. I want to pop a cap in his ass.
So that's my shoot list - the valid, petty and grumpy whole of it. If you see me at Chuck E Cheese with a cup full of tokens don't assume my kids are with me. But once I'm done bagging my buck, I will be quite content and would love to hit the salad bar with you.
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4 comments:
ROFLMAO. My hit list is miles long and might put me on the Do Not Fly list. So I think I'll wait to add my items to the list until after Blogher. This was awesome!
I used to think that only the rural peasant type of gals loved the shooting...but no! there is a quiet worldwide sistahood of estrogen cases that really should not own a gun because they would use it, and that would be a very unnecessary felony. In my mind I am a bad ass shooting bitch. In my daily life I type as if I am pulling the triggers.....
And to think my husband had to drag me kicking and screaming to the shooting range. I just don't like the shooting booths and the hot shells hitting me.
Undomestic - love that, I think I may be on the do not fly list already.
Prop - Heck yeah! I can't pass up a Police Trainer video game.
Somo - The fake guns are much more fun I'm sure!
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