Ever since then I find myself faking a limp to get a good rear end rub down. So much so that husband has tested me by saying things like, "Did you notice that someone left a twenty on the top shelf of the pantry?" to see if my limp will hold as I scamper up onto the countertop to grab it.
You would think that a woman laying across your lap yelling "Harder! Deeper!" would be hot. But, not so much since I usually fall asleep about halfway through. A deep, drooly, oh my God that butt massage was awesome, passing out. And husband is left with his lovely wife, mother of his children, pinning him down on the couch so he's unable to get up to get another beer.
I can't help myself, I was first hooked on the buzzy relaxation of platonic touching when the girls in my third grade class would brush and braid my long hair. Then came the scoliosis tests with a gentle spine rub, the lice tests that lazily dragged two black combs across your scalp and even the soft pressing of the underside of your chin during a gland check at a physical. Suffice to say, I get all melty at a good, friendly petting. Like a cat - only I don't shove my butt in your face for more...oh wait. Ok, like a cat.
I suppose I should step up and let the butt rubs turn into something more in order to get them more frequently. A game of I'magonnaspankyou or something. But it's so damn relaxing to have those kinks worked out while he watches Whale Wars and I drift off to limpid ass dreams. I had no idea I clenched my ass so much as to warrant these massages, but apparently I'm a clencher.
Overdraw the account - clench.
Listening to the kid's whine - double clench.
Quieting the voice inside my head that berates me - triple clench.
"Maybe I'm sore because we did it last night?" I reasoned while I watched husband burst into laughter. "Hey I MEET you, it's not like I am not an active participant". I then demonstrated my "meeting" technique to more laughter. "Fine. Rub my butt again and I'll make you some cookies." I started to say I would up the ante to a double batch, but as soon as he heard cookies I was ass up. Aaah. Zzzzzz.
(click to enlarge pic)