Free Dirty Dirty Sex Book Give Away: Our Bodies Our Junk

Ever so long ago my mother walked into my bedroom and handed me a copy of Our Bodies Ourselves. She smiled and said, "Let me know if you have any questions." and left the room. Questions? Oh I had a few. Namely, why where there so many afghans in the photo backdrops and why was everyone looking at their vaginas with hand mirrors?

I suspect that indignantly asking my asking my mother how exactly she expected me to use the slender teen tampons she bought for me and urinate at the same time prompted the book purchase. Her conservative Lutheran upbringing was overturned by the realization that her daughter had no idea that she didn't pee and menstruate from the same location and the liberal sex education book was procured.

Years later, I find myself reading sexual instruction of an even twistier, and decidedly funnier kind, Our Bodies Our Junk, the new sexual health manual for today. Because, "Good God You're Doing It All Wrong!" Written by Mike Sacks, Scott Jacobson, Todd Levin, Jason Roeder and Ted Travelstead. A book that satires the hand mirror holding Our Bodies Ourselves beautifully.
Exhaustively researched and fully illustrated, Sex: Our Bodies, Our Junk is a must-read for you, your sexual partner(s), and anyone who wishes there was more to sex than thrashing around for a few seconds and begging for forgiveness.
This book is hilarious as hell. Husband and I spent the night giggling and snorting as we read each other passages from it. Screenwriter Buck Henry says, "If you absolutely must buy ONE sexbook this year that is as informative as it is disgusting THIS should be the one. Or not." We just say, "Super fucking funny."

Curious? Excellent. Because I was able to procure two free copies to give away to you!

GIVEAWAY ENDED, THANKS!

To Get A Free Copy...

Leave a comment letting us all know how your parents explained sex to you or why you feel that it is imperative that you receive a sex manual, ASAP. I'll get drunk and point randomly pick two winners and send you both a copy. I'll even write some some sexual advice of my own on the book flap for you, gratis. You're welcome.

When will this giveaway end? Maybe two minutes, maybe so long you'll start mentally folding the laundry. Just like sex, it'll end when it's over and everyone is ready to watch TV.

(Pssst - If you don't have a blog and are commenting anonymously - be sure to include your email address so I can tell you if you've won.

Pssssst - Please comment, otherwise I'll have to give these books away at Christmas and I don't want to have to explain to my mother that "Going on tour with Midnight Oil" is a euphemism for masturbation.)

25 comments:

Heidi said...

I had a book that illustrated reproduction of all sorts of living things - plants, animals, humans...I don't remember the name of it, but the art was strange. Similar to paper cut outs, but photographed? I can't describe but I actually took it to kindergarten b/c of the plant stuff - poor teacher about lost it.

KC said...

I was 7 and in the bath when mom explained "how babies were made" to me. Nothing about sex being fun or for any other reason than making a baby, just the mechanics of how a baby came to be. Then she didn't tell my younger brother or sister as she thought I'd tell them! GAH! So I need this information not only for me, but to pass along to them as that seems to be part of being the eldest child. I'd hate for them not to know everything like I do. HA!

fivefiveoseven said...

How did my parents explain it? They didn't. In fact, when I got my first period, my mom put her hand on my shoulder and said, "Oh God. This is the rest of your life." Which led me to believe that I would bleed every day for the rest of forever and I was like, "Um, fuck that mess." Weird considering I grew up in an otherwise liberal household.

JC Little said...

My parents (mostly my mom) were pretty open about sharing the information from the get go. I don't remember not knowing how it all worked. But I do remember being surprised when other kids didn't know the biology behind it. One kid believed that babies just came out of your bum.

@leslieconn said...

I have no clue when I learned about where babies come from, but I think I knew when I was four. I'm pretty sure I learned about periods from my mom's "supplies" and Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. One family I babysat for when I was fourteen had The Joy of Sex on their bookshelf, which I read cover to cover while carefully eating Doritos.

Jeanne said...

I can remember the day vividly, perhaps I was traumatized, lol. It was a summer afternoon and I was sitting on the front porch talking to a neighborhood girl. This girl was older than me and mentally handicapped (yes, retarded). When out of no where she just blurted out "how babies are made" in graphic detail. Since this is a family blog I can't go into the crude way she explained it all...but you can use your imagination. Hmmm....I wonder if I've been "doing it" wrong all these years *giggle*

Jeanne :)

Momomatic said...

Heidi - I went to kindergarten without underpants, so humilliating!. Heeey, that might be why I now insist on dressing up my lady bits with so many layers it's like a cotton vagina baklava.

KC - I remember arguing vehemently with a girlfriend that had 4 older brothers and tried to fill me in on sex. No way was I gonna believe that kind of nonsense. Sadly, it was all true.

Five - Your mom was wise and true. And traumatizing, which is really what we all strive to be as mothers right?

JC - I look forward to the baby coming out of your bum animation.

Leslie - We babysat at the same house. He also had Playboys on top of the fridge.

Jeanne - You are so sweet to classify this as a "family blog" that must be protected. So sweet.

Jenny said...

I had one of those "open" mothers. The one who gave me every freakin' detail down to... well, let's just say that in high school, when the kids had questions, they came to my mom. I remember a particularly humiliating moment when my mom began to explain what 69 is to a neighborhood girl. But oddly enough, I learned nothing. Because I spent the first 18 years of my life with my fingers in my ears going "la la la la la, I can't hear you!" She was so embarrassing. I'm assuming she told the neighborhood girl that 69 is the number after 68 and before 70. If I'm wrong, I probably really need this book.

Andie Reid said...

I read "How Babies Are Made" in Waldenbooks while my dad perused the Louis L'Amour collection. He got around to giving me the mechanics of the deed about a year later, despite my protests. My mom wasn't having any part of that.

Lynn @ Walking With Scissors said...

I missed the "informative sex video" at school because of a dentist appointment, so my mom had them set it up in an empty classroom during lunch the next day and she sat there and watched it with me. I'm still a little scarred from the whole experience, frankly.

wws (at) walkingwithscissorsblog (dot) com

Le'Ann Ruggles said...

I got my info from health class, books and school friends. My mom was too embarrassed to talk about it, and my dad was out of the picture. Hmm, I wonder if that was why they split up.

Le'Ann Ruggles said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Momomatic said...

Your stories are great! Thanks for playing along!

Jessica said...

Haha, this is such a great blog. I dream of having a marriage like yours, I love the way you describe your life and your husband! Thanks for a good laugh! Hey what happened to your twitter? Miss it! :-)

Muffin Top said...

My step-mother (a shrink specializing in teens with drun/alcohol probs) sat me down at the age of 10. It was horrific, embarrasing, and all things I already knew. Ugh.

Momomatic said...

The over all theme seems to be "Too much information!". Going to take this to heart and ease my kids into this I think.

Jessica - What a nice compliment, thank you! I am very lucky to have him.

Twitter was fun, but not for me at this time. But I do miss you all. Come by here and chat anytime please!

LSL said...

I would love a copy of the book! My mom sat my sister and me down and read through a book that used the pollination process that flowers go through as a way of explaining sex. 30-some years later I'm still confused and I can't keep a plant alive worth shit.

I so love your writing! And I'm scared that you went to kindergarten without underwear! Should that be a post in itself?!

LSL said...

Holy shit - I think we had the same book as Heidi's mom! HAHAHAHAHAHA

JC Little said...

I miss you on twitter too. But this is very, very cool.

aorijia said...

I found out real late about all our junk. My parents would try to keep us away from the master bedroom quite often by sticking a black leather glove on the door and threatening us:
-Beware, don't come close or else The Black Hand will snatch you away!
Now that I'm an adult and a mother (I eventually found out the truth) I hope I'll be able to erm... continue finding the truth... without traumatizing my kids with stupid tricks.
More bits:
-I think menstrual cups are the best invention after the wheel.
-I got a friend to explain childbirth to me: "It's like trying to shit a watermelon". Hell, she was spot on!

Momomatic said...

LSL - Thanks! I will write that blog post just for you next!

JC - It is wild to hear everyone's responses!

aor - The black glove is hilariously traumatizing and awesome at the same time.

Jennifer said...

My Mom bought my older sister and I a book...but we mostly learned from sneaking our parents copy of the joy of sex and perusing it with the two brothers next door. we were all 10 and 11 at the time and for some reason our parents thought it was safe to leave the four of us alone together when they went out. So, joy of sex and the playboys on the coffee table where I babysat as an 11 yo....no no I was not scarred for life. See I need that book

Oh, The Joys said...

They told me that sex was the number after five, now give me that damned book.

Care Morency said...

I have a "learning about sex" story and a "first period" story. It's two-fer-one day!

My mother, bless her, tried to be so careful in explaining sex to me. However, she used some adult phrasing, something like "when the penis meets the vagina." I think she did not want to be too explicit, because I was 7. But it was not clear enough, so I spent the next few years wondering if I was pregnant every time I accidentally bumped into a boy.

And when I got my first period, my mother and I went to KMart and bought the big box of Stay-Free Maxi Pads (they used to come in boxes like 12-packs of Coke). My neighbor came by while we were checking out and said "Oh, I see what you're buying!"

Isadari said...

My mother didn't get a chance to tell me about sex before I heard all about it from the neighborhood kids, the same ones that I played 'kick the can' with. All those nights I had heard funny noises coming from my parents' room were finally explained!