The first day I tried Shred I managed to make it through by promising myself I could stop at the halfway mark, then just after this next rep, and the next until I did it all. I was woefully unprepared, had no floor mat, and beat the hell out of my knees and tailbone throwing myself onto the hardwood to do sit ups and push ups. Hell yeah I said push ups. And not the orange ice cream kind you used to eat and then pretend you had a smoke and an ashtray with the clear plastic inner workings. Actual, goddamn push ups.
Hours after I did Shred I texted friends that it "Wasn't as hard as I thought it would be."
The morning after I did Shred I texted friends that "They should tell me to shut the fuck up if I ever brag about how easy an exercise routine is again. And could they come and lift me out of bed because I am alternately numb from the neck down or in screaming pain and it's possible I've wet myself and don't even know it."
The days after I did Shred I was too scared to do it again. I kind of need my limbs you know? I decided I would just keep up my faithful evening walking routine and maybe revisit it again...someday.
So Jillian bring your sadistic gym teacher routine back to my living room. We're giving this another go today. This time I've got a foam exercise mat that's thicker than cream cheese frosting. I unearthed my 2lb weights from the attic. I'm wearing spandex from head to toe to act as a fat shock absorber during the jump rope routine, and a panty liner for the jumping jacks. And best of all I've got a Costco size bottle of Ibuprofen on the kitchen counter.
A week after I did Shred I asked husband if I looked like I had been gaining weight from all the baking I've been doing. It wasn't so much that he said, "Yes, you can see it in your ass." as it was that he had his answer immediately at the ready. You know how you see someone inhaling and getting ready to answer your question before you even finish speaking? Like that.*
Let's do this.
*And please no man bashing, husband has loved my ass at every size but knows how important my weight loss is to me and promised to be honest if I asked him about it.