Know How I Know You're An Oldass?

Ever since I turned (gasp, choke) 39 and husband started fast approaching (why do men age so much better?) 40 -  we have noticed that we keep repeating the same shit over and over. So we decided to start writing the aforementioned shit down, thus creating the oldass list.

And after reading the oldass list it was clear to us that the biggest challenges of getting older are - trying to understand why the hell it's happening, and actually remembering that it is happening.

Know How I Know You're An Oldass? Cause You Say This...

Why am I so cold? I don't understand why I'm so cold all the time.

Wait. Did I already tell you this?/Wait. Did I already ask you this?/ Wait. Did you already answer that question?

Why am I so tired? I don't understand why I'm so tired all the time.

Wait. When did that happen again?/Wait. Where were we again?/Wait. Who was that again?

Why do I look so mad all the time? I don't understand why I look so mad all the time.

Why can't I drink caffeine at night anymore? It always makes me pee/stay up all night/get puffy. Why does this happen?

Why is the music so loud? I don't understand why it has to be so loud. I can't hear myself think.

I can't tell how old anyone is anymore. Is she in Junior High or College? I can't tell.

Why are the clothes so small now? Is this really for a grownup?

What? What? I don't know anymore man.

Wait. I'm trying to think. Wait. I'm still thinking. Wait. Wait. What was I thinking about again?

Do I like this? Honey, is this something I like to eat/drink/inhale?

Ugh! How do I not know this? Did you tell me this? Do you know about this?

Why am I freezing? Is it cold in here or is it just me?

Why am I so tired all the time? Wait. Did I already say that?

 What was this list about again?

9 comments:

areyoukiddingme said...

Apparently, when you reach a certain stage, though, it stops being "Why is it so cold in here?" and becomes "Is it hot in here? Why is it so hot in here?" I'm sort of looking forward to that stage, especially since we're having that kind of weather where it gets just cold enough that the heat should kick on, but doesn't.

Wait. What was the question again?

Ali said...

Ahh yes...the fun of apporoaching 40. Your list is very familar to me. I don't remember anything anymore. Or maybe its because I just don't care! Either way..I just don't remember..wait am I repeating myself?

Mom O Matic said...

Areyou - that will be nice to get a flush to my cheeks again. Right now I'm sporting the deathly winter white tones from the middle aged November collection.

Ali - The "i don't care" aspect of aging is lovely!

transplantingme.com said...

"Why can't I drink caffeine at night anymore? It always makes me pee/stay up all night/get puffy. Why does this happen?

Ugh! How do I not know this? Did you tell me this? Do you know about this?"

these two go hand in hand. and i repeat them weekly.

Kristine said...

My biggest challenge of getting older is remembering where I put the damn list!

Kristine said...

Just noticed your Thorazine ad. LOL As a pharmacist with a mother in law with Alzheimer's I can totally appreciate it. Also, Thorazine is the name of our cat.

ken said...

this is actually really funny.

i might have to come back for more!

Mom O Matic said...

Kristine - How did I not know you were a pharmacist? You have my address right?

Ken - I fucking love you for qualifying that statement with "actually"

Stitch said...

I just turned 39 myself. I was not ready. I am still not ready. But I've been forgetting how old I am since my early 30's. I spent a whole year telling people I was a year older than my actual age. I want that year back now.