Picture Post: Carney Life

It's no secret I love a good carnival, festival or 4H tent. I'm not sure why I breathe deeper when the scent of funnel cake is in the air, but I do. Here are a few photos from our latest festing experience:

They had crafts.
Notice to the right of the sign is a suit of camo (w/machine gun) to dress up your front door goose with.

And please show you are proud to be an American...uh, by carrying around machine guns that look like the American flag?

How do you know you are at a classy fair?
The porta potties have an attendant.

I don't know, he doesn't look that strange to me.

But apparently he had some sort of sewn up fetus/animal in a jar of formaldehyde to freak the kids out with. Only for a $!!

It is imperative that you have a sense of humor when carrying your smallish child who will say, "Daddy you need to grow some hair back here" while on your shoulders.

Have I come to the right place to eat?
If it says chicken on stick, yes you have my dear.

Especially since those foot long corn dogs can also be wielded as a weapon.
Okay stop playing with your food and drink that $20 lemonade smash up.

Trying to win a prize son?

How about the scary clown doll that's been in the case since 1974?
Want to take that home?

How do you know it's good kettle corn?
When the owner's belly is bigger than the pot they cook it in.

The best part of the day was when the operator of the Whip It or This'll Make You Puke, whatever it's called, flirted with me. He had no teeth so it took me a bit before I figured out that he also had a Southern accent. But what really made me swoon was the giant prison tattoo of Jesus Christ on the front of his neck. His pickup approach? Telling me how he scares all the little kids by telling them he thinks the bolt on their car might be coming loose and he better "be get'n to fix'n that soon" and then starting the ride. Oh yeah, he's my new boyfriend.

Lisle Fest, 4th of July 2010

More Inventions That Are Actually For Porn



"Uh, yeah honey I'm just gonna sit right down next to you, watch the game on my TV hat and cuddle while you watch Army Wives. Look, I even made you your own bowl of popcorn so you don't have to use mine."

Happy 4th!


Happy 4th of July to all! We hit the local Brookfield parade this morning and I was crazy proud that my kids knew to stand up when the soldiers walked by. Son even saluted. Though I admit I am nervous for some of those vets once Brookfield gets started with their never ending fireworks. I picture of few of the shakier ones reliving Nam as the last KABOOMs sputter out around 2am.

We plan to swim, firework, drink and generally fest our asses off the rest of this weekend and hope you are doing the same! Have fun, be safe and try not to lose any fingers!

Shoot List: (Updated w/Pic)

When I get mad I like to shoot stuff. And while hitting a local firing range is so on my list, for some reason my family is hesitant to allow me around live ammo. But point me towards a video game that has a plastic rifle or shotgun attached by a curly cord and I am all over it. I will bag that cartoon deer. I will assassinate those zombies. I will annihilate aliens. And all the while I'll be thinking of my shoot list.

What's up with the bulgy neck muscles? Intense paint ball gun kickback man.

Since my shoot list usually only resides in my head, it reads like a list your old lady neighbor who yells "I'm keeping this ball now!" would write with her stubby pencil on the back of a receipt. Be forewarned.

Shoot List

The neighbors who toss their bikes & ripped garbage bags on top of my flower beds.

Being broke. I want to murder broke. It makes me tell my kids they can't do camp this week, or go on a vacation with my family.

The people who keep finding my blog with pedophile search terms. (I might use live ammo for this one)

People who are unable to hold two opposing thoughts in their mind at the same time and are then unable to discuss anything without an extreme stance.

That person who was mean to you? Totally on my list.

People who never read. A newspaper on the crapper, a magazine, a blog or even better yet a book. Anything, just put something in your head.

The woman I saw 14 years ago in Amsterdam beating the hell out of her kid. I still think of her.

God forgive me, but the senior ahead of me in line at Walgreens with 100 rolls of toilet paper in their cart insisting that they honor a discount flyer from last year.

The OB that thought it would be fun to leave me in stirrups for an hour in the exam room.

Futility. I want to fill futility full of holes like a Valentines Day Massacre.

The ice cream man that drives by my house a million times a day with that tinny, static filled music. I want to pop a cap in his ass.

So that's my shoot list - the valid, petty and grumpy whole of it. If you see me at Chuck E Cheese with a cup full of tokens don't assume my kids are with me. But once I'm done bagging my buck, I will be quite content and would love to hit the salad bar with you.